Today was a day and I almost lived it.

Today was the day of nothing and other. My parents, my grandma and I went out to eat. I looked very not 13 which is good considering I am 2 months away from 17. The food was good but not great. I wanted great. We didn't say a word about my uncle. Instead we talked about our lives and my mom's new engagement. It was odd or at least it should have felt odd. I cry for him and I miss him but he is no longer real. It is like he is only in my past. And he is in my past but I feel as if his death should be in my future too. I do not like this. It it not good. I do not understand people who have felt the incorrectly described feeling of losing someone to death. After lunch I came back here to my new home and school. We watched Easy A in our PJ's, ate a ton of fatty food and then I watched the end of the first LOTR. While letting my thoughts stray during the movies I realized what really matters in friends and what doesn't. I also realized for the millionth time that no one knows shit regardless of how much knowledge we have. I feel odd and empty like an abandoned tunnel left waiting waiting for the blinding light and rushing speeds. I feel bad about being able to compartmentalize so well though it is not a conscious notion. Even writing this I feel nothing. I feel a slight, and I mean slight, sense of empowerment in having a blog and a slight feeling of unease about what may/will come later when I have feelings again. I mostly feel empty and tired.

This week has gone too fast. I feel as if no time has past but many tasks have been left undone. It took me 30 minutes to clean my room earlier but it felt like 4. I had not seen in 4 months but it felt like a day when I saw him earlier. I do not understand time but oh do I care to!

 I miss the days in which people spoke, if there ever was a time, I have not lived it. If I have then it was so long a go I do not wish to remember. I want to say words and have people listen. Hell, I want to want to listen to others but I am one of the sheep. I do not care. I am selfish. I am alone. I do not know if all feel this way but I feel as if they do not. I feel as if only a certain few of us are cursed in this way. I have more to say but no reason or will to say it so goodnight and sweet dreams my, if few, very lovely readers.